Natalie Burbank
Professor Lora Harpster
Psychology 1100
Related Activity C-1
Many parents believe that if they can stick out a rough marriage until their children are older the effects would be less devastating. Unfortunately, the impact of a divorce on older teens is just as devastating as it is on younger children. Many teens struggle with guilt of the split, experience troubles with dating and sexuality, and suffer from depression and loneliness. Studies show that teens who suffer from the effects of divorce are more likely to have academic and behavior issues, low self esteem, and substance abuse.
I interviewed four people whose parents had gone through divorce. Andelyn and Kathryn are my cousins (from opposite sides of my family) and Brooke and Breckon are both co-workers and close friends. Brooke and Breckon were both on the younger side, ages 6 and 10, when their parents divorced. Andelyn and Kathryn were both 17.
Most of the girls I have interviewed had the same feelings about divorce. Breckon said this when I asked what her current thoughts were about her parent’s divorce, “I remember my parents always fought. Currently I think that the divorce was for the better. Both of my parents had different views on religion and it made my mother unhappy.” Brooke also had the same response when asked the same question. She said, “The divorce was a good thing when it all came down to it. My mom was not fit to be a mother. And it really frustrated my dad. I never had a relationship with my mom. She lied a lot and whenever she tried to actually be a mother she was as high as a kite.” Kathryn understands about the divorce and is on her mother’s side. She described how her dad’s actions had been very hurtful to her mom. She said she could see how the emotional abuse and infidelity had been very hurtful to her mom and made her mom sad and depressed. Andelyn’s feelings about the divorce are different from the others’. She said, “I honestly believe the reasons for the divorce could have been worked out. But I guess it’s not my choice.” She seemed very bitter about the divorce when we were talking about it.
The next question I asked the girls was how their relationships are with their parents now and how the relationships are between the mother and father. Breckon said how she doesn’t have much of a relationship with her real mom. She is, however, close to her dad and goes to him all the time when she needs help. Her biological parents don’t speak to each other at all. Brooke doesn’t have a close relationship with her dad and is only here for her mom when she calls or when she has checked herself into the hospital. As soon as she turned 18 she moved out of her dad’s house because she feels like it’s too difficult to live with him because of the emotional abuse he dishes out. Her parents also don’t speak to each other, although her dad asks about her mom often. Kathryn is the only girl who is actually close to both her parents. She says, “I am a daddy’s girl. Although I can’t stand my step mom, my dad and I still meet up for lunch or take my nephews and nieces out. I currently live with my mom and step dad and I consider myself close to my mom. She’s really been there for me through my own relationship issues.” Her parents don’t speak at all to each other. Andelyn is very bitter towards her parents. She says, “I don’t talk much to either of my parents. I’m nice to them when we talk on the phone. But I moved out of my mothers house in Oklahoma to move in with my grandparents in Utah.” Andelyn’s parents also have no contact.
I also asked how has having divorced parents influenced their own love relationships? I found that there we similarities with the responses. Breckon said, “I have trust issues. Currently I am going through my own divorce. My soon to be ex husband blames it on my inability to trust him and says I am guarded, although there is more to the story.” Kathryn had a similar response. She replied saying, “Relationships scare me. Plain and simple. Since the divorce I’ve only had one serious relationship and I believe it failed because I was scared and I wasn’t very trusting.” From what Brooke response, it seems like the divorce has affected her love life in a positive way. She responded to my question saying she will not get married to her boyfriend until her has a stable career and until she knows what it’s like to live out on their own. She also said that she wants to make sure she marries the right man because she really doesn’t want to go through her own divorce. Andelyn’s response was interesting. She says, “My parents never really gave my brother and I attention. My grandma thinks the reason I’m getting married so young to Cody is because I’ll settle for any guy who can give me that attention and love. Part of me thinks that’s true, although I wish it weren’t, and it scares me to death.”
The next questions I asked was what kind of impact did the divorce have on them and how did they feel when they learned about the divorce. Breckon replied saying, “When I got married I wanted to be sure that it was with the right person. I never thought I’d be in this situation, going through my own divorce. That’s the last thing I have ever wanted. But I’d rather divorce then spend a lifetime with someone I was unhappy with.” Brooke’s response was a little different. Instead of focusing on the divorce influencing a future marriage, she said that she felt like the negative feelings her dad had about the divorce and emotional abuse severely influenced their relationship in a negative way. Kathryn replied saying how she doesn’t think it’s influenced her much, other then her having trust issues in her romantic relationships. She also said she was at risk for not graduating because she was constantly skipping school and focusing on flirting with the boys. Andelyn so far has had nothing good to say about the divorce. She replied saying, “My relationships with both my parents have changed drastically. My mom and I used to be more friends then mother and daughter. But we hardly talk. I invited her to my wedding and she said she had made plans with my step dad already. It hurts to see how my mom doesn’t try to have a relationship with me outside of her new life.”
Breckon understood about the divorce. She said she didn’t have much feeling. She was happy for her dad because she wouldn’t have to hear her mother be rude to her dad any more. She said she was happy because her dad would be happy. Brooke had similar feelings. Not being close to her mother either she said she didn’t care much about the divorce that she could remember. Kathryn had similar feelings that Breckon did. She said, “At first I was angry and sad. But I knew my mom was unhappy.” Andelyn’s response was different. “I was devastated. I closed down and lost a friend because I was rude and quiet. I didn’t talk to anyone and I pushed both my parents away because I was angry.”
The last question I asked was if any of their parents are remarried and how their relationship is with their step parents. Breckon brought up an interesting thought. She said, “My dad is remarried. I’m close with my stepmom and she’s been there for me a lot while I’m going through my divorce. I’m close enough with her to consider her my real mother. But I don’t know if that’s because I’m not in contact with my biological mother or not.” Brooke’s parents are both single and she believes there’s no way either parent will remarry. Her dad still loves her mom but doesn’t like putting up with the lying and drug abuse. Kathryn has both a stepmom and stepdad. She had this to about her dad’s wife, “I can’t stand my step mom. I don’t even talk to her and my dad has learned that I dislike listening about her too.” She says she gets along with her step dad because he takes good care of her mom. She does however think he’s a little awkward.
It’s been proven that divorce does affect the older children. Divorce can affect grades, behavior, make teenagers question their sexuality, develop trust issues and suffer from low self esteem. The girls I interviewed didn’t have much negative affect from divorce other then Kathryn’s delinquent behavior, Breckon’s self Esteem and trust issues.
Reflective Writing
It was interesting to see the similarities between the girls’ responses. I was surprised only one girl was completely bitter about the divorce. It makes me sad how much children can be affected from a divorce. In the article I read to go along with this paper it says that statistics show that 2/3 marriages will end in divorce. Then 75% of divorced parents remarry and second marriages are more likely to fail than the first. The book for the class also has the same information.
I did enjoy doing this assignment. I didn’t realize how much divorce affects people and hearing it from people I’m close friends with and close family members, it really brings out personal feelings.
I’ve been helping my friend Breckon a lot while she’s going through her divorce and I can’t believe how much it’s already influenced me. She’s told me several reasons why her marriage didn’t work and it’s helped me know what to watch out for in my future relationships. I’d hate to go through a divorce and I can’t even think of going through one with kids. It’s defiantly helped put things into perspective for me.
Learning Objective
The learning objective I chose to go with this writing assignment is number 1. Learning objective number 1 says, gain knowledge of the field of developmental psychology, main theories and research methods used to gather empirical evidence.
I believe this applies because of the research method I used to obtain information for the assignment. I went forward with the interview knowing before hand the affects of divorce in children. I then compared the data of what I discovered to the data I learned from the text and website.
Professor Lora Harpster
Psychology 1100
Related Activity C-1
Many parents believe that if they can stick out a rough marriage until their children are older the effects would be less devastating. Unfortunately, the impact of a divorce on older teens is just as devastating as it is on younger children. Many teens struggle with guilt of the split, experience troubles with dating and sexuality, and suffer from depression and loneliness. Studies show that teens who suffer from the effects of divorce are more likely to have academic and behavior issues, low self esteem, and substance abuse.
I interviewed four people whose parents had gone through divorce. Andelyn and Kathryn are my cousins (from opposite sides of my family) and Brooke and Breckon are both co-workers and close friends. Brooke and Breckon were both on the younger side, ages 6 and 10, when their parents divorced. Andelyn and Kathryn were both 17.
Most of the girls I have interviewed had the same feelings about divorce. Breckon said this when I asked what her current thoughts were about her parent’s divorce, “I remember my parents always fought. Currently I think that the divorce was for the better. Both of my parents had different views on religion and it made my mother unhappy.” Brooke also had the same response when asked the same question. She said, “The divorce was a good thing when it all came down to it. My mom was not fit to be a mother. And it really frustrated my dad. I never had a relationship with my mom. She lied a lot and whenever she tried to actually be a mother she was as high as a kite.” Kathryn understands about the divorce and is on her mother’s side. She described how her dad’s actions had been very hurtful to her mom. She said she could see how the emotional abuse and infidelity had been very hurtful to her mom and made her mom sad and depressed. Andelyn’s feelings about the divorce are different from the others’. She said, “I honestly believe the reasons for the divorce could have been worked out. But I guess it’s not my choice.” She seemed very bitter about the divorce when we were talking about it.
The next question I asked the girls was how their relationships are with their parents now and how the relationships are between the mother and father. Breckon said how she doesn’t have much of a relationship with her real mom. She is, however, close to her dad and goes to him all the time when she needs help. Her biological parents don’t speak to each other at all. Brooke doesn’t have a close relationship with her dad and is only here for her mom when she calls or when she has checked herself into the hospital. As soon as she turned 18 she moved out of her dad’s house because she feels like it’s too difficult to live with him because of the emotional abuse he dishes out. Her parents also don’t speak to each other, although her dad asks about her mom often. Kathryn is the only girl who is actually close to both her parents. She says, “I am a daddy’s girl. Although I can’t stand my step mom, my dad and I still meet up for lunch or take my nephews and nieces out. I currently live with my mom and step dad and I consider myself close to my mom. She’s really been there for me through my own relationship issues.” Her parents don’t speak at all to each other. Andelyn is very bitter towards her parents. She says, “I don’t talk much to either of my parents. I’m nice to them when we talk on the phone. But I moved out of my mothers house in Oklahoma to move in with my grandparents in Utah.” Andelyn’s parents also have no contact.
I also asked how has having divorced parents influenced their own love relationships? I found that there we similarities with the responses. Breckon said, “I have trust issues. Currently I am going through my own divorce. My soon to be ex husband blames it on my inability to trust him and says I am guarded, although there is more to the story.” Kathryn had a similar response. She replied saying, “Relationships scare me. Plain and simple. Since the divorce I’ve only had one serious relationship and I believe it failed because I was scared and I wasn’t very trusting.” From what Brooke response, it seems like the divorce has affected her love life in a positive way. She responded to my question saying she will not get married to her boyfriend until her has a stable career and until she knows what it’s like to live out on their own. She also said that she wants to make sure she marries the right man because she really doesn’t want to go through her own divorce. Andelyn’s response was interesting. She says, “My parents never really gave my brother and I attention. My grandma thinks the reason I’m getting married so young to Cody is because I’ll settle for any guy who can give me that attention and love. Part of me thinks that’s true, although I wish it weren’t, and it scares me to death.”
The next questions I asked was what kind of impact did the divorce have on them and how did they feel when they learned about the divorce. Breckon replied saying, “When I got married I wanted to be sure that it was with the right person. I never thought I’d be in this situation, going through my own divorce. That’s the last thing I have ever wanted. But I’d rather divorce then spend a lifetime with someone I was unhappy with.” Brooke’s response was a little different. Instead of focusing on the divorce influencing a future marriage, she said that she felt like the negative feelings her dad had about the divorce and emotional abuse severely influenced their relationship in a negative way. Kathryn replied saying how she doesn’t think it’s influenced her much, other then her having trust issues in her romantic relationships. She also said she was at risk for not graduating because she was constantly skipping school and focusing on flirting with the boys. Andelyn so far has had nothing good to say about the divorce. She replied saying, “My relationships with both my parents have changed drastically. My mom and I used to be more friends then mother and daughter. But we hardly talk. I invited her to my wedding and she said she had made plans with my step dad already. It hurts to see how my mom doesn’t try to have a relationship with me outside of her new life.”
Breckon understood about the divorce. She said she didn’t have much feeling. She was happy for her dad because she wouldn’t have to hear her mother be rude to her dad any more. She said she was happy because her dad would be happy. Brooke had similar feelings. Not being close to her mother either she said she didn’t care much about the divorce that she could remember. Kathryn had similar feelings that Breckon did. She said, “At first I was angry and sad. But I knew my mom was unhappy.” Andelyn’s response was different. “I was devastated. I closed down and lost a friend because I was rude and quiet. I didn’t talk to anyone and I pushed both my parents away because I was angry.”
The last question I asked was if any of their parents are remarried and how their relationship is with their step parents. Breckon brought up an interesting thought. She said, “My dad is remarried. I’m close with my stepmom and she’s been there for me a lot while I’m going through my divorce. I’m close enough with her to consider her my real mother. But I don’t know if that’s because I’m not in contact with my biological mother or not.” Brooke’s parents are both single and she believes there’s no way either parent will remarry. Her dad still loves her mom but doesn’t like putting up with the lying and drug abuse. Kathryn has both a stepmom and stepdad. She had this to about her dad’s wife, “I can’t stand my step mom. I don’t even talk to her and my dad has learned that I dislike listening about her too.” She says she gets along with her step dad because he takes good care of her mom. She does however think he’s a little awkward.
It’s been proven that divorce does affect the older children. Divorce can affect grades, behavior, make teenagers question their sexuality, develop trust issues and suffer from low self esteem. The girls I interviewed didn’t have much negative affect from divorce other then Kathryn’s delinquent behavior, Breckon’s self Esteem and trust issues.
Reflective Writing
It was interesting to see the similarities between the girls’ responses. I was surprised only one girl was completely bitter about the divorce. It makes me sad how much children can be affected from a divorce. In the article I read to go along with this paper it says that statistics show that 2/3 marriages will end in divorce. Then 75% of divorced parents remarry and second marriages are more likely to fail than the first. The book for the class also has the same information.
I did enjoy doing this assignment. I didn’t realize how much divorce affects people and hearing it from people I’m close friends with and close family members, it really brings out personal feelings.
I’ve been helping my friend Breckon a lot while she’s going through her divorce and I can’t believe how much it’s already influenced me. She’s told me several reasons why her marriage didn’t work and it’s helped me know what to watch out for in my future relationships. I’d hate to go through a divorce and I can’t even think of going through one with kids. It’s defiantly helped put things into perspective for me.
Learning Objective
The learning objective I chose to go with this writing assignment is number 1. Learning objective number 1 says, gain knowledge of the field of developmental psychology, main theories and research methods used to gather empirical evidence.
I believe this applies because of the research method I used to obtain information for the assignment. I went forward with the interview knowing before hand the affects of divorce in children. I then compared the data of what I discovered to the data I learned from the text and website.
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